Sex and the Single empAθos
The question will inevitably be asked. If empAθos gender designations are based upon an individual's emotional make-up, instead of their reproductive gender, then how does this effect their sexual relationships? To answer this question, we must first explain what sex means to empAθos people, and how it differs from the sexual understanding of Non-empAθos People.
Social Construct
The empAθos social context, following our philosophical context, is not based in separation and duality, but in singularity and in finding commonality. This realization brings us to understand that the two dualized reproductive genders of male (which we call sonin - "father") and female (which we call yoni - "mother") are both different states of development of the same singular gender which we call oni (no English equivalent, but roughly meaning the "source of all reproduction and sexuality" or the "ultimate creative source"). For Non-empAθos People, the states of being male or female are the only two possible states of being, and that they are immutable states of being. For us, yoni and sonin are two ends of a wide spectrum of possible states of being with many nuances of hue, saturation and luminosity, and that it is never immutable, but may be subject to change through a process called yoson (which is considered to be vital to the survival of the empAθos people).
We are aware that this explanation raises other questions. But, we are also aware that this is due to an understanding that we have, that Non-empAθos People lack, and that it would take a lifetime to try to explain with little good to come of it. In time, Non-empAθos People will come to the same understandings, but for now, Non-empAθos People are simply not ready. Non-empAθos People equate sex with violence, an equation that is very strange to us. Non-empAθos People also seem to be afraid to display the realities of their sexuality and prefer to hide their "light under a bushel". But, for empAθos people sexuality is a social strength, and an expression of loving inclusion into the empAθos family and affectionate interaction with each other. Sex and violence are two completely unrelated things, and while the former is perfectly acceptable in our culture, the latter is not acceptable at all.
Differences Between Non-empAθos People and empAθos
From the observable entertainment and activities of Non-empAθos People the opposite seems to be true in Non-empAθos culture, that violence is perfectly acceptable, and sex is not acceptable at all in the Non-empAθos social structure. Non-empAθos People will even go so far as to use sex as a weapon against each other, and not just in the obvious ways of rape and molestation, but in subtly ways by causing their children to be ashamed of their bodies and their sexuality, and to equate their sexual organs and normal bodily functions with guilt and uncleanliness. This also carries through in the area that Non-empAθos People call "sexual harassment". No empAθos person would use sex as a form of coercion or pressure, nor would they push upon any one any discomfort related to sexuality. Non-empAθos People are so ready to do these things, and so ready to expect these things, that sex has become, for them, more of a tool of violence, and less an expression of kindness and affection. For this reason, empAθos people consider Non-empAθos People to be sexually immature, and socially violent. This immaturity and violence render Non-empAθos People to be unready for the understanding that we have about sexuality.
Even if we could explain empAθos sexual understanding to Non-empAθos People in rational and applicable terms, we simply would not, at this point in Non-empAθos development. Since Non-empAθos social context seeks to suppress empathic connections, and since such empathic connections represent a disadvantage in such violent social structures as are represented in Non-empAθos societies, Non-empAθos People do not have the very basic constructs that would prevent them from abusing the knowledge that empAθos people possess in these matters, even if Non-empAθos People could understand it.
Sexual Rules and Sexual Fluidity
empAθos concepts of what constitutes sex are specific. Any activity intended to induce physical erotic stimulation is considered to be an act of sex. In other words, any activity that is INTENDED to induce, enhance, and maintain the flow of chemicals that lead to, and maintain erotic arousal (such as the release of the neurotransmitter nitric oxide in nerve endings in the pelvic blood vessels), is a sexual activity. Sex does not require an orgasm, nor does it require anything more than an initial erotic stimulus to still be considered sex. The key regard is found in intent. If the intent is present in the individual engaged in the effort to induce a sexual response, either in themselves, or in another individual (or individuals), that individual possessing the intent is considered to be engaged in the act of having sex.
If there is no intent, there is no deliberate act. Inadvertent erotic arousal may occur at any time, given the nature of our physiologies. However, we all have the ability to chose otherwise. Therefore, choice determines intent. When an individual expresses a choice to terminate such an erotic arousal, such a choice must be respected by all involved. empAθos rules governing sexuality are these:
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Never use sex in any harmful manner, but only in loving kindness.
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Never force a sexual encountre, or coerce a sexual encountre out of any individual who does not desire to have a sexual encountre.
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Never take sexual advantage of sexually immature individuals (including children and Non-empAθos People).
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Always take appropriate precautions to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted disease and to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.
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If the purpose of a sexual encounter is to produce children, always be aware of the genetic implications of one's choice of mate.
The rules are simple. Observing these rules, one may then have a consensual sexual encountre with anyone one wishes. Self stimulation, which Non-empAθos People call masturbation, is considered perfectly acceptable, and a requirement for one's health. Having sex with any one or any number of individuals is perfectly acceptable. As long as the above rules are observed, there are no other limitations.
We are not ashamed of the configurations of our bodies nor any of the ways in which they function. We do not tease each other about these or any other matters in our lives, because such teasing can lead to injury to an individual's self esteem and introduce such abuse into our culture, disrupting the balance and causing an empathic disturbance.
Our uses of sexuality are these:
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Reproduction.
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Expression of affection.
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Release of tension.
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Entertainment and self expression.
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Exercise.
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Emotional and physical therapy and healing.
Sex is one of the components that hold our society together. Sexual misuse and abuse is considered among the most violent and heinous of crimes in our culture. We are extremely guarded concerning the protection of this asset to the health and well being of our people, and will resort to extremes, such as expulsion from the community, when sex is used in ways that are inappropriate to the stability of our society and the individuals who enjoy being part of the empAθos way of life.
Now, one may have the impression that with the sexual flexibility that empAθos people enjoy, that we are somehow engaging each other sexually at any and every moment, and while this could be a possibility, the reality is rather different. Just as a worker in a chocolate factory is encouraged to eat as much chocolate as they desire on their first day of work, and just as that worker soon tires of eating chocolate after the first day of work, empAθos people are aware of the availability of sex, and the ability to have sex at any time, but simply have other things to do, and aren't any more likely to over indulge than any other species, and may actually be engaging in sex less than the average Non-empAθos person.
Puberty
Our maturation rites and customs are designed to bring awareness of the singularity of empAθos gender constructs (both reproductive and emotional), and that maturity denotes a responsibility to nourish and nurture one's fellow empAθos people, especially the empAθos community's children. When one has the ability, physically and emotionally, to do so, one is considered an adult. We instruct our children to think critically, and to question things that they don't understand, or find to be illogical or threatening. No child is ever pushed to do or to become something for which they are not ready, but every child determines their own pace of development.
One of the features of the maturation process is the development of mature mammary glands, which are the physical indication of adulthood. Size doesn't matter, but possession does. Our yoni, just as with Non-empAθos females, naturally develop mature mammary glands between the ages of 10 and 14. Our sonin, as with Non-empAθos males, require them to be induced. The choice to do so is made by the individual, but it's also a choice to become an adult or remain a child. As with Non-empAθos cultures, adulthood carries responsibility, but it also carries privilege. Yoni who wish to not make this transition, simply state that they are not ready, and they simply do not make the ceremonial transition. Sonin chose to not make the ceremonial transition and may also decide to not have the development of their mammary glands induced, though they are few. Most children are anxious to have their mammary glands develop, and look forward to being adults. But, the individual child decides when they are ready for adulthood, and no pressure is put upon them to do so, until they are ready. The traditional ages of maturation are between the ages of eleven and thirteen. But, empAθos do not strictly follow this as a stricture, rather we follow it as a guideline. If the individual child does not feel ready, we do not push that child. If the individual child does not present the emotional maturity to make the transition, we give that child more time to grow.
Because we equalize this secondary sexual characteristic, we also acknowledge the equality and commonality of gender rather than overreacting to the differences. These rites are not unlike the practices of circumcision, or scarification, that is common in many Non-empAθos cultures, except in terms of their brutality and their practicality. Our practice is one of developing a greater capacity that was not possessed before, and we do so in gentle ways, not in ways that cut or mar the flesh, or induce pain to the child. The capacity that is developed is in a greater ability to nurture and support primary caregivers in the community. One who possess mammary glands can also be induces to produce milk to nourish infants and children. A sonin who can take care of the feeding of an infant at 2 am, is greatly valued by the yoni who gave birth to that child.
As Jews, we are aware of the "Covenant with G-d" that male circumcision represents within our Jewish culture. We believe that an effort to leave behind the historical brutality of Non-empAθos cultures requires that we seek a different way of expressing such a covenant. In addition to the practicalities of increasing the nurturing capabilities of our people, inducing the development of mammary glands in our sonin represents this same covenant in a nurturing, and life affirming manner, and leaves the violence of circumcision to the pages of history. Any sonin may take the option of circumcision, but that would represent a personal choice, not a social mandate.
Sexual instruction of our children does not include shielding them from the activities of adults. While we do limit their participation, we do not limit their observation, and we do instruct them on the physical and emotional consequences and responsibilities of sexual behaviour. We always give them a clear view of their right to not have a sexual encountre when they do not want one, and when sex is appropriate for them and when it is not. Children are not considered sexually mature, and are not given a transition into adulthood until that have demonstrated a full understanding of the implications and responsibilities of sexual behaviour. The collective community empathic sense determines the depth of this understanding among other indications, and recommends accepting or delaying the advance into adulthood of a child.
Marriage
Marriage among empAθos people changes the picture somewhat, but not as much as one might think. Marriage is a bond of trust and mutual support and affection that carries subtle nuances of relationship that are unrelated to sex and sexuality, but that encompasses sex as a dynamic of the expression affection in the marriage. Because we are citizens of the United States of America, and because the law of the land places marriages between multiple spouses (beyond just two individuals in a single marriage) in the realm of a crime, empAθos people remain monogamous. In general, we consider monogamous marriages to be generally logical as they do not complicate marital relationships by introducing the dynamic of a third person. The two individuals in the relationship can focus their attention upon each other and not be distracted by the needs of a third or a fourth. However, we do not rule out the possibility that a widened focus is not possible, and that three or more individuals could not share as well defined an attentive dynamic with each other as can be enjoyed by just two.
Such concepts of homosexual or heterosexual or gay or lesbian or straight or transgender or bisexual have no meaning in empAθos society. Such designations become nonsequitur in a people who designate their roles and responsibilities by emotional make-up rather than by the configuration of their genitals. If two find solace, love, support and commitment in each other, they contribute those values to our society. It matters nothing to us if they have similarly configured genitals. This extends to marriage.
Jealousy is considered an emotional crime among empAθos people. Rather than demonstrating love, it tends to drive a wedge between people. It demonstrates a desire to possess an individual and all of their attention to the exclusion of everyone else, and therefore is more of a pathological response than a normal dynamic of a loving relationship. We don't presume to possess the people who we love. Such a possession is a primitive attempt to enslave one's spouse for the purposes of binding them into a role of child bearer or bread winner or sexual prize. Such a possession is a form of slavery and doesn't have a place in the empAθos psyche. empAθos marriages are formed for mutuality of love, support, affection and unification in a more empathic sense than a sexual sense.
The sexual dynamic of empAθos marriage plays itself out as a mutual acceptance of responsibility over the well being of one's spouse. If an individual (let's call them bodi) wishes to have a sexual encountre with a married individual (named, for instance, dibi), they must first ask that person's spouse (we'll call them Fibi). The spouse, Fibi, is then duty bound to place the question before the desired person, dibi, and asked if they want to have a sexual encountre with bodi. If dibi is interested, then the two married individuals, Fibi and dibi, will decide under what terms this encountre can take place, and how it can best be made to be beneficial to their marriage. Only after these issues are fully discussed and all conflicts that would be cause by such an encountre are resolved will the answer be presented to bodi. The answer may be "no", or it may be "yes, under these conditions . . .". But, the answer comes from the couple, as a married couple, so that there is no subterfuge from one spouse against the other. And, such an encountre must be completely agreeable to all of the individuals involved.
The empAθos interpretation of adultery is one of being dishonest or hurtful toward one's spouse.
Summary
Our ways are different from Non-empAθos ways simply because we are different. We cannot see any way that our ideals and practices could be adopted by Non-empAθos People, nor would we recommend that they be so adopted. Non-empAθos People lack the empathic sense. This is the greatest divide between Non-empAθos People and empAθos. Therefore, and by the same token, Non-empAθos ways are not appropriate to empAθos people. This explanation of our sexual practices has been present to answer questions and to set aside myths. If it hasn't been explained here, and one should here it from another source, it's likely that it's veracity is questionable.
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